i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
