i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
