"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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