I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
