I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
