He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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