I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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