my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
