Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
