The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
