Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
