maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
