Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
areolas are like halos for boobs.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
