i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
