Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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