i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
