Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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