well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
