Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
