I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
