Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
