its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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