Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
