summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
