I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
