I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize