I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dicks are not precious.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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