walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
