So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
