I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
