God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
