I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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