Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
