Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
