his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
