high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
