I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
