Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
