I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
