Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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