found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
