omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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