Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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