i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
