is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
