Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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