I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
