god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Sober January is a disaster.
she told me i tasted like america
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
