Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
