He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize