as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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