The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
