your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
