You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
