"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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