Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
