chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
