Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
