ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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