did you get engaged???
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
