dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The adults are the big ones right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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