its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
