we're blogging at a bar
Duck Duck Cougar?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
