There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize