ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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