dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
