mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
